haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
