I hate your face
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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