Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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