I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize