I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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