i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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