i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
