Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
