Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
