dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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