I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
