Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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