i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
