Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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