aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
