Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
