If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
why is half of my head shaved?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
