I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
