Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
