Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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