I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
