that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Randomize
