just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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