Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
