Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
