I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
