I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize