Got a toothbrush?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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