you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
