Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
