Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
