Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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