This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
