Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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