Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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