Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
