I heard we made out
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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