She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
