Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
