If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
