I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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