It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Drunk is a universal language darling
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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