I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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