So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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