Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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