dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
