i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
