Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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