Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
