we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
why do cheetos always look like penises
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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