Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
