Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
love makes seman taste better
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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