He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
