What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize