Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
