I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
