so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
