Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize