Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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