can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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