I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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