I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
