Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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