you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize